Emotion

Fear of Change: Why It Is Not Laziness

Fear of change is not a sign of weak willpower. People feel what they might lose more strongly than what they might gain. What you have now is certain and what change would bring is uncertain, so leaving things as they are always looks better.

Why are people afraid of change?

Losses feel bigger. Many studies have repeatedly found that losing something hurts more than gaining something of the same size pleases.

Another reason is that the current state becomes the reference point. The familiar option seems safe because you already know it, and the new option seems risky because so much about it is unknown. This is true regardless of how big the actual risk is.

Why can't you change even when you know it would be better?

Knowing something and actually doing it are different. You have already judged that change would be better, but the awkwardness and mistakes along the way are what you picture first.

It is harder the more irreversible it feels. If you think that one change cannot be undone, the decision feels much bigger, but in reality far more choices can be undone than you think.

Who finds change harder?

It is harder for people who need to know what comes next. Not knowing how things will turn out is hard for them to bear, so they judge a present they know is bad as better than a future they do not know.

The same is true for people who once lost a great deal. If they remember changing something and losing a lot, that memory comes up first the next time they have to choose and affects their judgment.

How can you start changing?

It works better not to change everything at once. If you break it into parts small enough to undo and try one first, you see how different reality is from what you expected, and the next step feels easier.

Setting a time limit also helps. Deciding in advance to try something for three months and go back if it does not work removes the fear that there is no return, which makes starting easier.

Isn't choosing not to change also a choice?

Yes. If things are good enough now, leaving them as they are is a good choice too. Not every change is an improvement.

There is one thing to check: whether you chose to leave things as they are or whether fear is keeping you from choosing. Staying by choice and staying out of fear lead to very different results a few years later.

How can you see which traits affect how you handle change?

How well you tolerate not knowing and how interested you are in new things need to be looked at separately. If not knowing is hard to bear, gather more information. If you have little interest in new things, make the change smaller.

The Beyond Persona assessment reports Openness, which shows how readily you take in new ideas and experiences, and Orderliness, which shows how much you prefer set order and plans, as separate results. Knowing what makes change hard for you points to a far more useful next step than simply being told to be brave.

Frequently asked

Is disliking change a bad thing?
No. A tendency to protect what you have reduces mistakes and creates stability. The only problem is wanting to change and being unable to.
How small is small enough to start?
Small enough to undo if it fails. Talking once with someone in a field before changing jobs is that kind of size.
What if people around me keep pushing?
Pushing usually does not help. Setting your own deadline for what you will decide by when reduces the pushing and speeds up the decision.
Does change get harder with age?
It is true that decisions feel heavier as you have more to protect. But you also have more experience, so your judgment becomes more accurate. Becoming harder is different from becoming impossible.

Read next

Imposter Syndrome: Why Recognition Makes You More Anxious
Social Anxiety: Why You Tense Up in Front of People
Preferring to Be Alone: A Problem or Just Personality?
Loneliness: Why You Can Feel It Even Around People
Choosing a Career: What to Base the Decision On
Trouble Falling Asleep: Nights When Your Mind Will Not Stop

How should you read this page?

This page describes behavior patterns for self-understanding. It is not a medical or psychological diagnosis, and it does not replace professional care. If difficulties persist and disrupt daily life, please seek professional help.

This page covers the type in general. How it actually shows up in your own combination is what the measurement tells you.

Take the free test
Back to the list